They Didn't Ask Me (dr_phil_physics) wrote,
They Didn't Ask Me
dr_phil_physics

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Man Down, Man Down!

Summer Time

Tuesdays and Thursdays this summer Mrs. Dr. Phil has evening graduate classes, so I'm on my own til she gets home. Which left me to eat some of my yummy spaghetti for dinner. And clean up the kitchen afterward. Of course, I couldn't put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher until I emptied it of the clean dishes -- this isn't intended to be some sort of bachelor revelation, mind you. Just an observation. The sort of thing millions of people -- including myself -- do every day.

Nothing to worry about.

So I'd emptied the lower rack first, since they wouldn't be as dry if I pulled out the upper rack and any residual water cupped in the bottoms of coffee mugs and Tupperware containers spilled. Then onto the upper rack. For some reason we had more glass cereal bowls than usual in this load, so some had to be fitted into the rack's prongs for plates, rather than the short hooks for bowls. I'd interspaced those in the plate area with plastic lids and things so the glass wouldn't rattle against each other during the wash. So I reached for the glass bowl in the middle and...

Surprise!

... something went sproing! I actually saw "something" fly up from on or near the tip of one of the plate prongs and it bopped me in the face. Actually it bopped me in the nose. Actually the bottom of my nose.

Huh.

I checked the bowl I was holding and couldn't find any break in the glass. Nor any broken tip in the plastic coated rack prongs.

Then I realized that this wasn't what I should be checking.

Human Anatomy Update

A few years ago I recall reading that they'd discovered a new human bone, I think it was in the skull. Of course it'd always been there, but somehow in all the dissections, no one had either noticed it or the standard cuts were in the wrong direction.

I'm here to tell you that I, Dr. Phil, have discovered a previously unknown major vein. It's located in the underside of the nose, right between the nostrils. Approximately 40% of the human blood capacity flows through it each and every second. It is apparently very important for life.

When I get around to naming it, I shall have someone do the Latin translation for "fire hose".

Back to Our Story

I'm bleeding. Big drops of blood are falling from my nose. I managed to put my left hand under it, but I'm making a big mess. So I'm off to the bathroom, fully expecting to see a jagged piece of glass hanging down from my nose or something. I turn on the hot water so I wash the blood off my hand -- then realize that can wait as I should go to cold water and try to stop the bleeding.
People losing their entire blood supply don't always make logical choices -- it's an oxygen to the brain thing.

If the bleeding didn't easily stop, how the hell could I clamp or pinch this off? Would this be the dumbest 9-1-1 call ever? I'm not overreacting here. I'm just a big believer that blood stays on the inside.

It took about two dry kleenexes and two cold wet ones and the bleeding pretty much stopped. Now I could wash my hands and clean the bloody mess in the sink.

C.S.I.: West Michigan

By the time I came out of the bathroom, still holding onto two pieces of kleenex in case the bleeding began again, I began to worry about what I'd find in the kitchen. Somehow I'd cupped my hand under my nose effectively enough that there was no trail of blood along the carpet. Whew. On the TV shows C.S.I., they're always talking about how gravitation blood drops are circular. Wow, they really are. Two big ones. Dinner plate sized. Well, U.S. quarter sized. Plus three small M&M sized ones. Plus an unknown number on the inside of the door of the dishwasher.

Into this bloody and chaotic scene, Mrs. Dr. Phil arrives home. I feel like a serial killer who only has the body half chopped up and run through the disposal.

There doesn't appear to be anything in the small wound. The bottom of my nose hurt for a bit and I put some Neosporin on it. But it wasn't going to get a Band-Aid unless I was desperate.

As for what happened, our best theory is that a bit of rice or something got stuck between a plate prong and the glass cereal bowl. After getting sort of baked on during the dry cycle, pulling the bowl out pulled on the prong before the bit of stuff broke free first from the bowl and then was launched by the prong returning to the locked-and-upright position. I did see something fly up, but we never found it. Probably ricocheted back into the dishwasher somewhere.

And in a fit of serendipity, I'd chosen to wear a burgundy T-shirt yesterday evening, so while there was blood on it, it didn't show much. It's washed now, but I haven't inspected it. Should be fine though. And clearly I have lived to tell the tale.

All in all: Huh.

Dr. Phil
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