December 20th, 2005


Okay, I'm Fat -- You Don't Have To Join Me

Very early in this blog I ranted about the trend towards insane obese food. Despite some caustic comments in some more mainstream sources, it hasn't let up at all.

The Fantasy Ad World

Our eyes may sometimes be bigger than our stomachs, but the reality of burgers in America is nothing like the unreality of TV burgers from the same outfits. Wendy's has taken this to... pardon the pun... new heights with their current commercial. Various levels of Singles, Doubles, Triples (and dare I think I see a Quadruple?) are used to mimic the spectrum/volume levels of a high end graphic equalization/sound analyzer. And the music is like a techno version of... Satisfaction?

The sad thing is that the ad is trendy and whippy (whippy?) and kindof fun. But the "Too-Tall" stacks of bun, tomato, burger, lettuce and onions are just too unreal to look at -- and a Quadruple burger is like totally unnecessary.

The Double Whopper Is Not Enough

Grand Rapids radio stations are playing Burger King ads which talk about the "burger on burger technology" of the Double Whopper -- and the all-new "burger on burger on burger technology" of the obscene Triple Whopper.

Goddamit, who the hell needs a Triple Whopper? Who asked for this? And why haven't they had their coronaries yet? (We were just watching the amazing All That Jazz on DVD the other night -- talk about killing yourself.)

And anyway, as a scientist and a futurist, I know what the heck technology is and it ain't stacking another burger patty on top of another or another.

Back In My College Days

... we tended to eat big food. Sad to say I have sat down and eaten not one, but two Double Meat Whoppers With Cheese in one sitting with a Swenson's to-die-for thick vanilla shake. That was twenty-five years ago and I couldn't do that now if I tried, and yet I weigh considerably more now than I did then.

Trust me -- you will pay a price for Big Food someday.

So please, cut back. Don't let the burger joints mix their highly touted healthier menus with "equal proportions" of obscene killer food. And lay off the bacon, too, while you're at it.

Dr. "I still love a Whopper With Cheese Minus Onion or a Big Mac but don't eat them often" Phil
  • Current Mood
    sick ewww!

"900 Million Packages In The Mail, 900 Million to Go..."

Naturally with the plan to ship packages on Monday, it was up to NPR's Morning Edition, which we woke up long enough to lounge and hear half-an-hour of, to inform us that the USPS expected Monday to be the biggest shipping day of the year, with people dropping off nearly a billion parcels to mail. Mrs. Dr. Phil was performing other duties, so sent me off to the P.O. by myself, but she had a big canvas drawstring quilt carrying bag which all the smaller packages fit in. I was worried that the limited number of parking spaces would be filled, since it was encroaching on noontime, but surprisingly it wasn't full.

I Made A Small Child's Day

Being of the large persuasion, with a beard and a belly, plus a red ballcap with a Santa-style top and white pom-pom, bearing a large sack of presents, when I spotted the small boy being led into the Post Office by an older gentleman, all I could do was say, "Ho-ho-ho!"

The little boy asked his (grandpa?), "Who's that?"

The older gentleman gave me a wink (!) and said, "Well, he's got a beard and a cap and a sack full of packages..."

Wide-eyed wonder. "Ho-ho-ho!" indeed. (grin)

It All Fits In The Twelve Days of Christmas...

Our annual Christmas letter, which we alternate writing every year, isn't going to ship before Christmas. Oh well, we've actually had a pretty good run of getting them out more or less "on time", but the years where we've pushed it, we've regretted it. At least we have the envelopes ready to go, we have the stamps, we have the paper we want to print on. Now it's just a matter of a text.

So why does it take two people an hour or more to print out a couple of sheets of return address labels? I often wonder how bad it is for people who "don't know what the hell they're doing" regarding these semi-complex once-a-year tasks. Some years we've found okay seasonal return address labels which turned out to cause column mismatches. But for a no-name brand, we found the backing paper actually said Avery and it printed just fine on the LaserJet 4ML with the proper Avery label format in Microsoft Word 95. So why does it take an hour or more? Because we had to make test prints and check whether the text would overlap the little Christmas decorations -- and the computer is on floor and the laser printer is in the basement... (grin)

UPDATE: In my previous rant about the threats of Big Food, I forgot until unhappily reminded about it, that the King Kong Burger King commercial, with that creepy plastic faced Burger King as creepy plastic faced Burger Kong, offers the girl in the evening dress the Double Beef Whopper... it's huge in her dainty little hands. In fact, the platter sized TV version of the Double Whopper looks bigger than her head. I doubt the model/actress in question actually could eat such a thing. But giant burger, pretty girl -- it's love at first sight for guys who eat Double Whoppers two or three (burp) at a time... (double-whopper-grin)

Dr. Phil
  • Current Mood
    excited ho-ho-ho