December 4th, 2007


Warning -- Stink Ahead!

Scent Pollution

Look, I know I'm weird about some things, but there are smells that I am very sensitive to. Cigarettes are one. But strong perfumes, aftershave and cologne are another.

So what is it with guys these days? I had a guy drop off a paper in my office and I thought I was going to have to turn on my little summer fan and hope it'd clear the air before I froze to death. Wow, talk about lingering stench. And this is supposed to be pleasant? I think I'd rather have my throat close up from a cigarette soaked quiz than this stuff. Jeesh.

This is the THIRD obnoxiously smelly guy in two days. On Monday, as I walked in from Lot 61 to Everett Tower, I passed through this wavefront, this gas cloud. Overpowering sweet floral scent. I looked around, expecting to see some girl but it turned out to be some 19-20-something guy. I mean I must've been twenty feet away when the smell first assaulted me. Just how much chemicals do you have to use for the breeze to carry that many molecules to overload my nose?

Later that day I boarded an elevator after this guy left and all I can conclude is that he pees perfume and had marked the carpeting in the elevator while it was between floors.

Uh, moderation in all things, guys?

My Theory

It's now December. Guys get given bottles of cologne and aftershave by well-meaning friends and relations. (I once got a gift of some Old Spice aftershave -- even though I haven't shaved since 1 May 1981. No, really! On both counts!) So maybe, being cheap, these guys are trying to get through last year's Christmas present in order to have room on the bathroom shelf for this year's gift. This involves either dipping one's entire body in a vat of the stuff or pouring it on from the handy super-save one-gallon size.

Either that or this is the latest new campus binge drinking, since many colognes contain alcohol and now their body tissues are so saturated with the scent that they exude it as they walk around. Or they're absorbing their girlfriends, like some sort of mutant alien creatures -- my god, it's an invasion!

This is bad, guys. Get a grip.

If Only It Was The Guys and Girls

I thought a couple of years ago we got ourselves put on a list NOT to get smelly inserts with the newspaper. But twice now in November I had to encase some offending ad in a biohazard containment fashioned out of other old newspapers and get it off the kitchen table as quick as possible. Yuck.

And we're not even technically the kind of chemical sensitive people who get life-threatening allergic reactions to the stuff. But come on -- seal your damned smelly ads completely, if you're going to blow them into my newspapers and magazines. Not fair to make us ill and the paper or magazine rendered unusable as part of your misguided advertising efforts. Bad ad! Bad companies! Bad!

Dr. Phil
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    distressed Ew-www!


Your Score: Egon Spengler

140 Heart, 167 Genius, 113 Cool, 132 Excitability

Dr. Egon Spengler - (Harold Ramis)

Ghostbusters (1984)

The scientist's scientist's scientist. You don't have time for
frivolous pursuits or the attentions of the opposite sex. There's
nothing wrong with being perfectly rational, and if people can't
realize that, well, that's their problem. You're the one who won't
break under pressure.

"Sorry, Venkman, I'm terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought."

Other scientific possibilities:

Gary Wallace

Wyatt Donnelly

Peter Venkman

Jordan Cochran

Egon Spengler

Doc Brown

Newton Crosby

Paul Stephens

Ben Crandall

Wayne Szalinkski

Winston Zeddemore

Ben Jabituya

Lazlo Hollyfeld

Ray Stantz

Buckaroo Banzai

Chris Knight

Link: The Which 80s Movie Scientist Test written by xxyl on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Dr. Phil
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