March 25th, 2009


Well Isn't This Healthy

The Latest Big Food Outrage... In West Michigan!

The West Michigan Whitecaps Single-A minor league baseball team has a really nice ballpark and one helluva great park management operation. Originally named Old Kent Park, when the venerable and local Old Kent Bank was snapped up by Fifth-Third Bank, the new bank couldn't leave well enough alone and had the name changed to Fifth-Third, despite there already being another Fifth-Third park in the Midwest League.

Now they've always done great food. One tasty treat is the Loaded Pig Swimming -- a BBQ pork chop sandwich which Mrs. Dr. Phil and I usually split, rather than trying to choke them down by ourselves. But their new item...

Behold The Fifth-Third Burger

The stats: Five one-third pound patties (Fifth-Third, get it?), "with lettuce, tomato, salsa, sour cream, chili and Fritos on an eight-inch sesame seed bun" and is intended to serve four for twenty bucks. Or one person can try to eat it all in one sitting and get a T-shirt.

Need calories? Have 4889. Want some fat? We got it -- 299 grams. Sodium? 10.887 grams. No, really, not milligrams... grams. Even before the baseball season starts, this has made news -- even on CNBC. Maybe the Travel Channel's Man vs. Food guy will come here. I may be very large and fat, but I couldn't possibly consume one by myself. It'd hurt, I'd explode, I'd die.

The T-shirts don't come in my size anyway.

Dr. Phil