Basic cable's second most popular fake news host Stephen Colbert, both of him, gave this year's commencement address at Northwestern University.
NOW, AS YOU HAVE EXPLAINED TO YOUR GRANDPARENTS, MY NAME IS STEPHEN COLBERT, BUT I ALSO PLAY A CHARACTER ON T-V WHO IS NAMED STEPHEN COLBERT. AND I DON'T ALWAYS KNOW WHICH OF US HAS BEEN INVITED SOMEPLACE. WELL, TODAY, I'M FAIRLY CONFIDENT THAT I'M ME. BECAUSE I WENT TO NORTHWESTERN AND MY CHARACTER WENT TO DARTMOUTH. SO HE WAS THERE FOR GRADUATION LAST WEEKEND AND HEARD CONAN. IT WAS A GREAT SPEECH. BUT HE WAS HOPING FOR LENO.
You can read the full text here. And here's a video clip:
And remember -- brothels.