Dear J.C. Penney (or as you seem to want to call yourself now, jcp),
What the hell is up with this new TV ad campaign? You know, the ones with the people wailing and screaming and crying AT THE TOP OF THEIR LUNGS WITH SUSTAINED HORRIFIC SOUNDS WHICH GO ON AND ON AND ON...
Good lord, we have to Mute the TV every damned time this is on. You think this is going to engender sympathy and/or interest in whatever your new venture is that launches tomorrow?
It makes me desire for your new venture to fall flat on its face and be consumed by the hellish heat from a thousand burning suns going supernova simultaneously.
For a start.
So please, fire that ad agency. Maybe they will never work in television again.