They Didn't Ask Me (dr_phil_physics) wrote,
They Didn't Ask Me

Drive 55

Today was the first day I've driven a car since I turned fifty-five. Hell, it's the first time I've driven a car in over six months. After a weekend of rain and heavy storms, including a confirmed EF-0 tornado in nearby Newago County, it is a beautiful day in the neighborhood today. Blue skies, a pit pale, and bright brilliant sunshine.

Since we didn't go out over the weekend, or charged the battery in the Blazer, we figured I could drive Mrs. Dr. Phil to/fro work. The driving -- easy. The getting in, still awkward. Getting out, got the left foot out past the door frame and past the bulge of the door speaker on the first try no problem.

The Rules of the Road

Stressing safety first, I recited to Mrs. Dr. Phil the proper way to drive:

-- Be sure to line up the center of the hood with the dotted line in the road. That way you maximize the clearance and lessen the chance of running off the road.

-- If you see a car coming up to a cross intersection and you aren't sure if they're going to stop, gun it! Because...

-- If you think you have Right of Way, then seize that opportunity and claim your rightful piece of the road.

-- If you see pedestrians or bicycles along the edge of the road, ease over and clip them with the edge of your bumper at 55mph. This is to remind them of the point above.

-- Ditto motorcycles. They aren't worthy of sharing my road with me, so the sooner you can send them to the ER as organ donors, the faster we'll get through the backlogs on the transplants lists. Win for everyone!

-- Speed limits are for sissies. It's 55mph everywhere, except when posted at 55 or higher, then a minimum of 15mph higher is acceptable, because you know the cops must legally give you 12mph over the speed limit anyway.

-- Likewise, turn signals are for wooses. If you let the guy behind you know you're doing, they might think they can pass you. Never!

-- Be sure to keep up on your NASCAR style sloloming around cars in either lane, if you can't save the environment by drafting an inch or two behind their bumper. Bonus at night, where if you're close enough, the guy in front won't be blinded by your headlights. Remember, if they suddenly slow down and you rear end 'em, it's their fault for failure to yield to you.

At least that's how I remember seeing everyone else drive around here... (grin)

Y'all be safe out there, y'here? Dr. Phil is back on the roads.

Dr. Phil

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