New student: I've already lost my I’D card, I think.
Parent 1: That's going to cost $25.
Parent 2: I already figured this would happen.
Parent 3: So how was the computer center? (Used for online class registration.)
New Student: Really sweet. I don't think I need to get a printer -- I'll just use the one's here.
(Dr. Phil horrified -- No-ooo!)
Dr. Phil: Uh, you really want to bring a printer. My students are always having problems with documents which mysteriously won't print, or printers which will only print double-sided to conserve paper.
New Student: Yeah, and what's up with those copiers that are charging 10 cents a copy? I better bring a printer. Thanks.
Dr. Phil: So how's your day going?
Parent 4: Pretty good.
Dr. Phil: Did you check out the dorm rooms?
Parent 4: Oh yes. But we still have to figure out how to get over to look at the Valley rooms. (Sighs) My son only just sent in the paperwork for the housing, so he's going to get whatever they have left. He doesn't care. He's so excited about coming to college, he doesn't care where they put him. At least not today.
Band Student at Sign-up Table: Here, we got something special for you -- free pizza!
(Pulls pizza box out from underneath table -- opens it to reveal about 5 slices from a 10-12 slice pizza.)
(Five New Students descend from all directions.)
It's, uh, a little cold.
(Comment falls on deaf ears.)
Dr. Phil: So what's keeping you from signing up for my STEP Program?
New Student: This schedule.
Dr. Phil: What's wrong with the schedule?
New Student: There's too much.
Dr. Phil: Well, you don't take all of those. I've put all the optional courses in, too. If you take the Biology, you wouldn't take the English.
New Student: But all this... (points at afternoon)
Dr. Phil: You don't take both labs -- you'd either have lab on Tuesday or Thursday.
New Student: There's still too much.
Dr. Phil: But what do you think your schedule is going to look like? Your sheet says you should take this Math -- it's here. And the Chemistry -- it's here.
New Student: But it's in the afternoon.
Dr. Phil: I think the other choice is 8 or 9 o'clock. Would you rather take Chemistry first thing in the morning?
New Student: NO!
Dr. Phil: Then you're going to sign up for the same classes, you just won't get the extra tutoring.
New Student: It's just too much.
New Student: What? I thought she quit smoking!
Parent 5: Well, apparently not -- I just saw her outside smoking a cigarette.
New Student: I can't room with someone who smokes!